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Will wouldn’t have gone missing if he knew the bittenbinder method

will: when i saw the demogorgon approachin’, i chewed up a tab of alka-seltzer i carry with me at all times. Now ive thrown him off his rhythm. Then i reach into his mouth where i planted a gram of coke and i went ‘Woah! What the fuck is this?’ and he goes ‘thats not mine’, and ‘i never seen that before’ and i go ‘boo-hoo, its in your jacket. youre doing two to ten and your demodogs are going into Social Services.’ now hes cryin’! Then i grab a telephone book and i beat him on the torso with it, cause as any Hawkins cop’ll tell ya, a phone book doesnt leave bruises.

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